As of today I’ve been a mom for 19 weeks. So naturally I’m an expert now.

Being a mom brings a whole new meaning to the phrase “learn as you go.” These past 133 days have brought some serious on-the-job training. And just when you think you’ve got it down, it all changes. I’m still new at this, but I’m pretty sure that’s parenting in a nutshell. It’s a moving target.

Today I thought I’d share 4 things that I’ve learned since becoming a mother. There are about 837,627,198 things I’ve learned, including how to change out a diaper genie, how to make the most of nap time, and how to do just about anything with one hand, but these are the ones that I think all new and expecting moms should know.

1. It’s ok to not love every minute of it.

When we were brand new parents, I can’t tell you how many times someone asked, “Aren’t you just loving every minute of it? Soak it up!” Charles and I would give our best exhausted fake smile, and give each other a look that said, “That would be a resounding NO.” Those first few weeks are so hard. Hard isn’t even a strong enough word. We had a very fussy baby who from the beginning only slept an average of 10 hours a day when he was supposed to sleep 18-20. My heart was (and still is) exploding with love for him, but he was not always my favorite person. I can say that now. My week-old son was not always my favorite. I did not love every minute. But in the throes of sleep deprivation and raging hormones, I felt like the world’s worst mom. What kind of mother doesn’t love spending every minute with her brand new baby? Turns out, the normal kind. But I was so ashamed that I never voiced this feeling to anyone but Charles. #momguilt. It wasn’t until several weeks later that I mentioned to a group of girlfriends that I was ready for Charlie to start daycare and they all chimed in that they had felt the exact same way. I wish someone had told me sooner that it’s ok to not love every minute of it.

2. Communication and support are key.

In case you haven’t picked up on it, I have the best husband. I know a lot of people say that, but in my case it’s actually true. He’s my rock. My biggest supporter always. He’s an incredible father and the most selfless person I know. But most importantly during this season of our lives, he’s very in tune. He knows me better than anyone and can tell when I’m spinning out. We agreed very soon after Charlie was born that we would just “say the thing.” Say the thing you’re not supposed to say. Say the thing that makes you feel like a horrible person. Just say it. No judgment. Being able to say to him that this particular day sucks or that I’m at my wits end or that I really just want to drink that entire bottle of wine is a tremendous comfort. Physical support is wonderful…having someone watch the baby so you can shower or actually sit down and eat something is a major plus, and I’ve been blessed with a mother and mother-in-law who are fully capable and willing. But, to me, emotional support is far more important.

3. Postpartum depression/anxiety does not go away quickly, and can sneak up when you least expect it.

PPD is an evil monster. Just when you think it’s gone for good, it rears its ugly head. I had the typical hormonal roller coaster those first couple of weeks, but then I felt ok. At 4 weeks, I had what I like to call a dark weekend. Nothing particularly bad or scary happened, but I was just really sad for no reason and was completely unable to “put on” or be social with even family members. But after 3 days it passed. So I’m cruising along, thinking I’ve got this. Sure, I cry at the occasional McDonald’s commercial and I worry unnecessarily about my child’s pooping habits from time to time, but I’m all good. Then, BAM! There’s the monster. Charlie turns 4 months old and I feel this dark cloud moving in. I go back to #2 above…communication and support are key. I know I’m not off of this roller coaster yet, and it could take several more months to feel like myself again, and that’s ok.

4. Moms On Call.

Just do it and thank me later. My cousin, Mary, gave me this book after having great success sleep training her son a few years ago. Best. Gift. Ever. I won’t get into all the ins and outs but we started sleep training Charlie at 3 weeks and by 8 weeks he was sleeping through the night and has had virtually no regression. So many people have told us you can’t sleep train an infant and that is absolutely wrong. You can. We did it. If you are willing to give up two months of your social life (and sanity to some extent) and be really rigid, it will absolutely work. With few exceptions, Charles and I each get a good 8 hours of sleep every night. People tell us we’re lucky when we say our baby sleeps through the night, but it was actually really hard work. He was naturally a horrible sleeper. It wasn’t luck. It was sacrifice and discipline. But it was totally worth it. Buy the book and stick to it. You won’t regret it.

Being a mom is simultaneously the hardest and most rewarding experience of my life. Every day is a challenge, but every day my heart grows in ways I never thought possible. When I saw and held Charlie for the first time I thought, that’s it. I’ll never love him more than I do in this moment. My heart literally can’t hold any more. But I’m proven wrong every single day. I’m so grateful I get to be his mama.