By now, I’m sure you’ve all heard the news. My heart breaks for those involved, and for the city of Charleston. I rarely comment on the news on this blog. I just kind of feel that it’s not the place to get into all of that. But my heart is so heavy today, and I need to share.

Charles and I have been married for 3 years next month, and I get this question a lot: “When are you having kids?” My first thought is, “None of your damn business,” but I usually reply with, “Not for a few years.” I’m 27 and I’ve got plenty of time. But honestly, I have some major worries about bringing a child into this world. While the shooting in Charleston is absolutely horrific, and I believe that the shooter is innately evil, the larger issue is that these things are all too common. Virginia Tech, Sandy Hook, the Boston Marathon, Ferguson, Baltimore…it’s like we barely have a chance to come up for air before another incident pulls us back down.

About two months ago, a shooting happened way too close to home. I got a text from my husband a little after 8 am telling me that there had been a shooting on the community college campus where he works, and that he was fine. The “I’m fine” didn’t really resonate with me, and I sat on pins and needles for the next 4 hours while he texted me from inside his barricaded office. I had 10 different people call me to ask if he was ok, and we were all terrified. As it turns out, a former student worker walked into the library and shot and killed his former boss, an openly gay man. The shooter was found soon after in Florida and is now awaiting trial for his hate crime.

It wasn’t until later that night when Charles and I were rehashing his horrifying day that my adrenaline came back down and I was left with this sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach. I became astutely aware of how easy it would have been for that day to leave me without a husband. I haven’t really been able to shake that feeling since.

I’m not here to tell you to love one another, or to tell you to sit around a campfire with your “fellow man” and sing Kumbaya. What I would ask is that you take a look inward. We cannot control those around us, but we can control the words and the energy that we put out. And remember this…