The title of this one is actually a little misleading, because the answer is that it’s almost impossible. At least for me it is. But after almost 18 months of blogging, I feel that my skin has grown thicker and I can finally share a little insight.
Millions of people blog about a lot of different things, and like many others, my blog is very personal to me. You see, I’m not just sharing pictures with you of what someone else did. I’m sharing our home. The home that we’ve planned for and worked on for almost 2 years now. Our forever home. The home we will one day raise our children in and grow old together in. So to me, it’s personal.
For every activity I blog about, there are about 100 that I don’t, so how can anyone else know what’s best, or even know the whole story?! Who are they to judge?! When I read things like “your furniture is ugly” or “that looks terrible” or “you should just completely start over here,” I can’t help but get a little bent out of shape. Because you’re not just talking about a piece that I picked out. You’re talking about a decision I made for my home, which is incredibly personal.
But to be honest, “it’s personal” is a cop out. If you make the decision to make certain aspects of your life public, then you have to accept the consequences of that decision. Not everyone likes what we do with our house. Not everyone agrees with my opinions. And that’s ok. The beauty of blogging is that if you don’t like one blog, there are literally millions of others to choose from. In short, the solution: if you don’t like it, don’t read it.
And so, here are the things that I’ve learned over the past year and a half.
1. Look for the positives. I did a survey a few months back to gauge what my readers thought about certain aspects of the blog. I got back some feedback that made me feel pretty awesome actually. I’m still quite the newby at this blogging thing, but the encouragement gave me much more confidence. But then there was one very negative comment. At first, I was upset (ok, I cried) and wondered why someone would say such mean things. Why was it that all of the positive feedback seemed to bounce right off me and the one negative comment was what stuck? But now, looking back, I am so appreciative to whoever made that comment, even if they did hide behind a keyboard to say it. I probably would not have worded the comment the way that this anonymous person did, but the points were actually somewhat helpful, and based on that comment, I made some changes to my blogging.
2. Realize that sometimes people have no filter. Not everyone who makes an ill-advised comment is mean-spirited. I try to give others the benefit of the doubt and assume that they are just putting their harmless opinions out there and really aren’t considering how it may come across to the writer.
3. Realize that sometimes people are just mean. Unfortunately, sometimes it’s just as simple as that. The fact that a site like GOMI even exists proves that. So when I see comments that I truly believe are in this spirit, they are deleted without a response. #trolls
4. Take a step back. This is probably the greatest advice I can give on blogging. I am a redhead through and through and am quick to get angry. As my husband says, I’m fiery and stubborn. It’s a character flaw that I’ve been working on my entire life. When I read a rude comment or a snarky caption, my natural and immediate response is to reply back with something equally as hurtful. But I’ve learned that that’s not the way to handle it, and I’m proud to say I haven’t done that since about my first month of blogging. If I do respond at all, it is usually after several hours, or sometimes even days, of careful consideration. Take a break, get some ice cream, watch some Bob’s Burgers, and then revisit it. (Oh, and NEVER respond to comments after you’ve been drinking. This is a no-no!)
The truth is that blogging has opened up a part of me that I really never even knew existed. It has become a true passion of mine and I appreciate each and every one of you who reads the blog. I appreciate your words of encouragement, but I also appreciate your opinions. So keep ’em coming!
Don’t forget to enter the Fridge Coaster giveaway! It ends tomorrow night at 10 pm!
I love this post and it is one that anyone who blogs needs to bookmark and read every once and a while for a good reminder. Well said!
Thanks, Elizabeth! I really appreciate it! :)
Blog on child, Blog on!
Thanks! I know you’ll read no matter how awful it gets! ;)
What a great post. I’m new to this blogging thing- 4 months in and this post is super helpful! Thanks and keep up the good work!
Thanks, Mary! :)
I love the memes! I luckily haven’t had anyone say anything nasty to me in the blogging world. But, my blog is small. The blog I did have before was small as well and some people did make some rude comments. But, I agree if you put your life out their some people will judge you for it. It is inevitable. But, the best thing to do is just ignore it. Easier said then done though.
Thanks for weighing in, Christina! Definitely easier said than done, but it does get easier. :)
Great post. I have been blogging for 3 years now. During the first year a reader really ticked me off. She was rude and disrespectful. She liked to debate and be critical. I got so mad once and I deleted one of her comments. Afterwards I addressed the rules of engagement when commenting on my blog. I don’t mind people having a difference of opinion, but I will not put up with rudeness and disrespect. There are people out there who love to criticize and pick things and ideas apart by over analyzing everything.
You have a lovely blog and I enjoy visiting it.
Thanks so much, Xenia! I’m so glad you enjoy the blog! :)
Wow… what a great article. I’m newer to blogging as well (started 5 months ago today). I’m a naturally sensitive person, and an introvert, so putting myself out there is a scary thing for me sometimes! Thanks for the great advice. I’d love for you to stop by and link this post up at my Off the Hook Mondays Link Party!
Thanks for stopping by, and for the invite, Rebecca! Just linked up! :)
Just love this!! I sometimes have a thin skin and take things personally but these are right on target. Be nice anyway. Forgive anyway. I always say “Take a deep breath and consider the source.” Sometimes the sources are pretty sketchy! Thanks for a great, motivating post. You deserve some niceness today!!
You’re so sweet, Elizabeth! Thank you! :)
I love that last picture!!
And I love the entire post – it is so true. Especially your advice to wait before you respond to some of those comments.
I recently posted a comment on someone else’s blog. I’d just found this blog on a link party. Her post was making a point about something I felt strongly about. I wondered if I should speak up, and decided to and tried to be respectful. She commented back and it was clear that, while she was being nice, she didn’t understand what I was saying.
I found myself a bit miffed. I guess I’m sensitive. And then I thought, “Who is this woman?”
The picture in the sidebar was of a beautiful black woman in her 20s. I clicked on it and found out that she lived in Zimbabwe and was Christian and seemed very sunny.
Perhaps she didn’t understand my point because I’m from the U.S. and we’re from different cultures.
That’s when I realized that the Internet can be so impersonal. We say things to people we’ve never met before. Even good intentions can go awry.
Now I try to find out more about people before being offended.
At least, I hope I can :) It’s a work in progress.
And of course, some people are mean or even just having a mean moment.
You’re absolutely right, Julie. We never know the whole story and we never know everything about each other…sometimes it’s hard to remember that. Thanks for weighing in! :)
Excellent points here and I’m happy to have found you through Marty’s link party. Many, many years ago my Mom told me if you can’t say something good don’t say anything at all. Telling someone that a project, or meal that they prepared was ugly, nasty, etc is just plain rude! When there are so many blogs to be read pick one that resonates with you rather than be mean spirited. This is my first visit with you and in my best Arnold voice, “I’ll be back!”
Hi Sandra! So glad you’re enjoying the blog–thanks for visiting! :)
Thanks so much for this! I am so new that I haven’t gotten into receiving rude comments … yet. At this point I am still trying to get past trying to get my close friends and family to actually read (ok…read this comment more as I am trying to get their support) the blog. The post gives me food for thought though as I move forward!
Thanks
Stacy
http://www.anygirlcandoit.com
I do think you’ve hit the nail on the head here. Blogging IS very personal yet it’s our choice to share our thoughts on the web. The way I see it: if someone’s reading my blog at all, that’s a bonus and even to comment, double bonus. Comments are much like texts at times – they’re black and white and it can be impossible to read the ‘tone’. After all, many a relationship has suffered because of a mis-read text!
You got it, Carol! I know we’ve all misinterpreted the tone of an email or text before–I know I’m guilty!
Great advise that is so true. Although I already knew a few on these (like answering comments while drinking), I will defiantly try to remember the ones I didn’t. Thanks for your post and try to read all the positives forgot the negative. #thethemegame
Great post and I agree with everything you’ve said, particularly ‘take a step back’. Very wise words, that have helped me out a few times! Thanks for sharing with #thethemegame
I find that the ones that make negative/hurtful comments have issues with their own self. So, it’s easier for me to “get over it”. If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all, right?
Great advice!
Thanks for sharing!
That’s right, Bobbi! It’s usually the trolls that have nothing better to do unfortunately. I feel sorry for them.
This rings true and you have to take it all with a grain of salt if you’re going to put yourself out into the crazy www world! Pinned and stumbled!
I am lucky and haven’t had many negative things mentioned in comments on my blog (yet). I will be keeping these things in mind though as I’m sure I will see them one day.
I agree, wise words and the lesson about keeping a perspective is an important one indeed #thethemegame
I agree!!! There is always going to be someone who doesn’t agree with you or what you’re saying or doing.
This is a post I will pin. I’ve never figured out why someone wants to post unkind words. What causes them to reach out and pour hate when all they have to do is click to another blog? I laughed out loud when I saw the “stupid” quote. When I first started blogging it really bothered me when someone (with obvious glee) would point out a misspelled word. Now I laugh and fix it. Like you said, tougher skin. ~Pamela
Exactly, Pamela! I felt like I could write this post now that my skin has thickened up quite a bit. :)
Well said! Fortunately, I think most bloggers and readers of blogs are pretty supportive people and interacting with them is well worth the risk of negativity! Found your blog on the THursday Favorite things linkup.
It is definitely worth it, Susan! I love our blogging community! :)
These are such great points…. there are rude, inconsiderate and selfish people… we meet some of them at our garage sale! BUT we meet SO many more who are wonderfully encouraging….. I agree it is so easy to let the negative ones be the remembered ones and yet those positive ones are much better – and there are so many positive ones. I have been challenged that we need to have our security in Christ and that helps us not to need other’s approval as much…. still a hard lesson to learn. :) I think there is truth there – when I NEED the approval of someone, then it hurts so much when they don’t give it, but when I know I have the approval of my Lord, it is easier (notice I said EASIER, not easy! :) to forgive and move on without such a deep hurt. Anyway, this is a wonderful post – thank you for sharing it… and may we all seek to encourage one another. By the way, I am sorry you have had negative comments to deal with…. the unkindness is hard to understand & I have realized that I can get away from their negativity….. but they NEVER can… how sad.
People can be so mean! The part I don’t understand is if you find something so terrible or offensive why do you keep coming back to read? Move on. Find another blog. Stop being mean!
Your post hit home today; thanks for sharing your feelings. If there’s anything I’ve learned over the years, it’s that one should not waste one minute on people who are mean. Maybe they can’t help it, but as your photo says, none of us have time for that. Keep writing about what you want to share!
I agree with this list, especially number 3. Trolls are ruthless…on every social media. Augh…yes, I delete those types of comments too :)
Thanks for sharing at this week’s Pintastic Pinteresting Party!!!
I was intrigued by your post title when I saw it at Wow Us Wednesday Link Party and decided to read it. I’ve seen it a few times where comments are in the triple digits, but generally, I have not found ugly comments on blogs that I follow or on my blog. I’m still new (7 months), but have had nothing but support and encouragement. I’m very thankful.
I really don’t see any reason to be rude or mean on someone’s blog. I sometimes read posts and, although I don’t want to say anything mean, I really don’t have a glowing comment to leave – so I don’t comment at all. That seems like the most reasonable thing to do – say something nice, or don’t say anything at all. :)
Thanks for sharing your experience. I’ll be sure to follow your advice if I ever need it. Have a beautiful day!
great post, and i love your humor!! definitely pinning :) xo, jess @ http://www.dreamingofleaving.com
Thanks, Jess! :)
Great advice! Pinned. Thanks again for being a part of our party. I hope to see you tonight at 7 pm.. Lou Lou Girls
It really is crazy how mean some people can be. I’ve had a stalker for about 5 years now, who actually created his own blog just to make fun of me. At first I was really upset – especially when he would say things about my kids. But once I was able to completely ignore him, he gave up on me (more or less, he still occasionally drags my name into a post) and started spending more time on people he could actually get a reaction from.
I think that when you have opinions, people will always give their two cents’. But having opinions is what makes a person interesting. Making decisions and being happy with them…that makes you unique! I wish everyone could learn that one little golden rule though…I thought that was something that we get shoved in our brains from the time we’re five…would be nice if some people could try to remember it past the same age…I love your blog design btw:) Following on pinterest!
This was such a great post!
I try not to take things too personally but I also haven’t had too many nasty trolls on my site.
I used to get hurt when I would lose followers on Facebook but I’ve learned to tell myself that a few committed followers / blogging friends is more important than a big number of people who don’t actually read and enjoy my content.
Thanks so much for sharing! I found this post through The Blogger’s Digest. Congratulations on being featured.
Wishing you a delightful day.
xoxo
Great post and advice! Thanks so much for sharing this at the Friday Frenzy!
What a great post! Such good advice. It always surprises me when people respond to content they don’t care for by commenting, rather than simply clicking away. It’s just not how I operate. Luckily the blogging world seems to be a pretty positive place overall. Thanks for the tips!!
You’re right, Emily! The blogging world, for the most part, is incredibly positive, supportive, and encouraging. Thanks for stopping by! :)
Amen sister. We recently changed from wordpress.com to .org and a few people noted that it was annoying that they couldn’t get to my site for one day. I appreciate the support (even in that form… I think), but man… wouldn’t it be better if we could all just love each other a little more and judge a little less?!? Thanks so much for sharing with the Merry Monday Link Party team! Hope you come back next week! – Treana @ http://houseofbennetts.com
This is my first time I visit here. I discovered a lot of interesting things. Thanks for the FANTASTIC post!
Thanks for visiting!! :)
I”m so sorry to hear you have comments like that on your blog. I’ve been blogging for a while now and that hasn’t happened, yet. I know it will some day, but I”m like you. Its part of life in general to hear negative “anything”. Your suggestions are right on. Thanks for linking up to the Bloggers Brags Pinterest Party. I’ve pinned your post to the Bloggers Brags Pinterest Board
Thanks for stopping by, Tammy! :)
This is such a great post. The truth is, some people just suck – sorry for the word but there’s no nice way to put it. They are jealous and awful and you’re right – just want to be mean! I always try to think of those people as sad little shells who have nothing better to do then take time to write something mean – and then I feel sorry for them and it doesn’t hurt me. ..
I came here by invitation for the Turn IT Up Tuesday. I have reviewed some of your blog and it is fabulous. But….there are people who do not have a lot of ’emotional intelligence.” Some humans have a nature that is lacking in respect and kindness.
I say turn them off and keep up the good work.
Linda
I found your post through pinterest and I just want to hug you right now! Negative people are everywhere. It’s irksome. I have no idea why on earth anyone has to actually say anything ugly. I just tried to do a positive post about fitness classes and mentioned the same thing on my blog. Please just keep doing your darling thing here!! xoxo
Great advice! I wrote a post that generated so much heat that I was taken by surprise. I wrote about Elf on the Shelf not a hot button issue, or so I thought. My own sister called to scream at me. I have thicker skin now. I wish people would just click away when something gets them all fired up instead of being rude. But then again so many people are looking to upset someone.
I think you’re absolutely right, Allison! Thanks for stopping by and weighing in! :)
Amen to all of these! The thing that I try to remember is that mean comments on my blog are just like mean comments in real life – a statement about who the person speaking is, not about me. Usually, when someone is mean, it’s because they are in an ugly place themselves. Remembering this helps me receive with kindness and understanding. (I can’t always do so when I’m in a bad place, but sometimes I can. It helps.)
Sarah, this is so great! I too have gotten my feelings hurt, but I have to realize that I am putting myself out there, and if they don’t like what I write or have to say, they can go somewhere else. I kind of hope they do, because at least in my blogging world, I don’t want or need someone who is always negative and argumentative. That being said, I appreciate what you said about getting feedback. I think feedback is always a great thing and does encourage us to improve. Anyway…happy SITS!! Hope it is a great day!
Thanks a bunch, Elizabeth! :)
Well stated, and a great perspective :) It’s a brave thing to be a blogger!
Great advice and a good reminder for all bloggers. It’s important to remember who we are and why we do what we do. Stoppng by from SITS!
Thanks, Kirsten! :)
Hello!! Just wanted to let you know I will be using this in a round up (posting soon) from the Teach Me Tuesday party! Very much appreciate you linking up with us ;)
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